HOW I EXPERIENCED 10-DAYS OF SILENCE
A week ago I came back from my very first Vipassana Meditation Course which took place in a beautifully remote center in the middle of Hereford’s countryside. It is essentially like living your life like a monk for 10 days, consisting of waking, eating, meditating, maybe a little walk around, and not much else.
It is taught under pretty strict and tightly controlled rules. Although life over the course of the 10 days is simple and purely focused on meditation (10 hours a day to be exact) it’s everything else but easy. There’s no speaking (noble silence), you dress modestly, there’s no reading/writing/music/exercising etc. permitted.
Absolutely no entertainment in fact except for meditation, walking in nature and your two and a half meals a day which are very kindly provided by the volunteers working at the center (who also meditate in the hall with everyone else at least 3 times a day).
It goes without saying that any tech was strictly forbidden and we had to lock away phones and tablets etc. made available to us again only after the course ended.
What is Vipassana Meditation?
It is an ancient technique which means “to see things as they really are”. Rediscovered by Buddha more than 2,500 years ago he famously taught this technique as an art of living to liberate one from all misery.
A Buddha is someone who has attained Bodhi; and by Bodhi is meant wisdom, an ideal state of intellectual and ethical perfection which can be achieved through purely human means. So when referring to Buddha, who wasn’t the first nor last one to reach enlightenment according to the man himself, we think of the person who has attained ultimate liberation.
Buddhism is a very unique religion as it doesn’t worship a god as such. They are teachings to the path to enlightenment attained by utilizing morality, meditation and wisdom. Buddhism encourages its people to avoid self-indulgence but also self-denial. Buddha's most important teachings, known as The Four Noble Truths, are essential to understanding the religion.
They are the truth of suffering, the truth of the cause of suffering, the truth of the end of suffering, and the truth of the path that leads to the end of suffering. More simply put, suffering exists; it has a cause; it has an end; and it has a cause to bring about its end. The notion of suffering is not intended to convey a negative world view, but rather, a pragmatic perspective that deals with the world as it is, and attempts to rectify it.
1st Noble Truth: The truth of suffering
Buddhist word: Dukkha
Accepting that all life is impermanent and imperfect, and that it involves suffering (frustration or dissatisfaction).
2nd Noble Truth: The truth of the origin of suffering
Buddhist word: Samudaya
Knowing that there are things in life that cause suffering, for example desire, which is the need for things to be a certain way.
3rd Noble Truth: The truth of the end of suffering
Buddhist word: Nirodha
Understanding that suffering can be ended if we detach ourselves from craving and desire.
4th Noble Truth: The truth of the path to the end of suffering
Buddhist word: Magga
Knowing that there is a way to end suffering: the Noble Eightfold Path.
Who is it for?
The stories of people who attended, which aren’t mine to tell, have been remarkable. More than once I was in tears or close to, putting my own problems so much into perspective. It was a very humbling and grounding experience. Attracting people from all ages and backgrounds I was amongst individuals with no meditation experience at all to ones who have had a lifelong practice since early childhood. The one common thread I noticed is that we all long for liberation. Freedom from pain, suffering and misery, however that may look like for each of us.
Ultimately what brought me there was getting to know myself, which I see as the most important step towards the liberation from any pain or misery. Because the cause of our own misery is always caused by ourselves and no one else…
If I stripped away all identities put upon me by my nationalities, my job/s, my family and friends, my looks, my character, my experiences, etc… What lies within? What does the naked, bare version of me look like? What does it yearn for? And what does happiness look like for my true ‘Self’? There’s a lot to be discovered and to get to know. Something that might very well take me my whole life to figure out, if I ever do.
Can I be bothered? Well, I have decided to give it my best go.
What it’s like to live like a monk
After we all arrived on Wednesday this is what every day looked like for all participants attending the 10-day Vipassana from Thursday all the way through to Saturday for a total of 9 days. The tenth day we were allowed to speak again amongst meditators, allowing for a smoother transition back into ‘reality’ before our departure on Sunday morning.
4:00 Morning wake-up bell
4:30-6:30 Meditation in the hall or in ones room
6:30-8:00 Breakfast break
8:00-9:00 Group meditation in the hall
9:00-11:00 Meditation in the hall or in ones room according to the teacher's instructions
11:00-12:00 Lunch break
12:00-13:00 Rest and interviews with the teacher
13:00-14:30 Meditation in the hall or in ones room
14:30-15:30 Group meditation in the hall
15:30-17:00 Meditation in the hall or in ones own room according to the teacher's instructions
17:00-18:00 Tea break
18:00-19:00 Group meditation in the hall
19:00-20:15 Discourse in the hall
20:15-21:00 Group meditation in the hall
21:00-21:30 Question time in the hall
21:30 Retire to ones own room
22:00 Lights out
Meditation rules
The rules were simple but oh so difficult most times. Both on a physical and mental level. We weren’t allowed to skip any of the main meditation sessions in the hall at 8:00, 14:00 and 18:00. During these times we also weren’t able to open our eyes or move the hands and legs. Now that might not sound very difficult but sitting in complete stillness for 60 minutes up to 2 hours can be excruciatingly painful.
I never skipped a session although I know many did. There was only one occasion where I really struggled with backpain and I finished a little earlier (30 minutes) to lie down and alleviate my lower back from its misery. I still meditated though, just lying down on my bed (which was technically not allowed).
I was here to give the full experience a go and didn’t want to have any late regrets so I truly gave it my 100%. Over time I managed to find the perfect compilation of props to support me and reducing the pain to a minimum. This allowed me to stay completely still for up to the full 2 hour sessions. Beyond the physical pain though there are so many challenges on a mental and emotional level too.
Anicca, Anicca, Anicca
What got me through it is the teaching in itself. Anicca is the belief that all things, including the self, are impermanent and constantly changing. Every time I was in pain, the mind busy with thoughts or everything inside me screaming for it to stop I would remember the teaching. “Anicca, Anicca, Anicca!” I would hear the teacher S.N. Goenka repeating in my head. Goenka passed away in 2013 but we would follow his guidance from video and sound recordings played to us daily.
Everything is impermanent. This too shall pass. And it always did. The pain, the thoughts, the desire to stop; it comes and it goes…
Equanimity
We meditate to observe objectively all physical sensations. From comfort to discomfort, from pain to pleasure, from feeling to no feeling. We are observing sensations throughout the body, understanding their nature and developing equanimity by learning not to react to them. The not reacting part is what makes it equanimous.
Advise I would give myself
This experience is going to always differ from person to person and even the same person will not experience one day like the other or even one meditation session like the other. Anicca! There it is again.
Should you want to attend a 10-day course sometime in the future you may want to skip reading this part and allow yourself to go into the experience without any expectation. If however you do keep on reading just bear in mind that this only worked for me as I figured it out myself as I went along. Just like a specific exercise routine, no one size fits all. It’s advisable to create your own best practice based on your body and your mind, level of meditation experience and so on.
My own ‘rules’
To my own surprise waking up early was no problem whatsoever (weirdly even enjoyed it!). No exercise however wasn’t something I was willing to cope with.
Movement such as yoga or running aren’t a problem to be combined with the technique according to the organisation and teacher. It just wasn’t allowed during the 10 days as there are no facilities to cater for this. Once I had spent some time in silence I could see how someone breathing heavily doing squat jumps could be intrusive and disruptive to other meditators. So I made sure that I had my own rules which wouldn’t bother anyone else:
Never skipped a meditation session, unless I had a very good reason (i.e. severe pains that could lead to injuries). At all times I was to give my very best, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity and cheating would mean I was cheating myself. What’s the point!?
Reduced portion sizes to about 50-60% of usual intake as I was moving way less than back home. It would otherwise make the post-meal meditations so much harder and in fact unnecessarily unpleasurable.
Skipped all white carbohydrates (potatoes, rice, pasta) - for same reason as above.
No coffee and no sweets (offered to us on 4 or 5 occasions). For the same reasons again…
Working-out silently in my room: before breakfast and lunch I would do up to 300 squats, 150 sit-up’s and 100 push-up’s. It really helped with my backpain and leg fatigue. No burpees, squat jumps or anything else pretty explosive as it would vibrate too much and I was worried to bother my neighbours.
Walking in nature at every break (faster post meals and slower paced at other times). My only entertainment really except for meditation which I thoroughly enjoyed. My best friends for 9 days consisted of trees, birds, bugs and flowers. Before you judge, you do a Vipassana and then we talk!
In bed by latest 9:30pm with the lights off. As someone who needs 6.5-7 hours sleep I made sure I was never later than that even if it took me a while to fall asleep. I used meditation to distract my thoughts and it always worked.
Day to day summary
We weren’t allowed to use pen and paper. I did it anyway (just a little bit). I wrote down only a few words each day about my experiences and kept track of my reps for the exercises. For your and my own amusement here my daily summary:
Day 00:
”Arrival day. Not much to report. Everything looks clean and neat, food is tasteful and I get to have my own room. Will be a breeze… I got this!”
Day 01:
”So. Bloody. Painful. WTF was I even thinking? If I don’t come out enlightened I am actually going to cry. 10h a day. FFS…”
Day 02:
”I am SO sleepy and bored, but at least the pain is now much less as I have luckily been given back support with a lean and it’s a bloody blessing.”
Day 03:
”Ohhh I felt trippy, well that was a nice lil suprise! Didn’t touch the cake today and will reduce my eating as it’s bloody impossible to meditate for this long with a full tummy.”
Day 04:
”So today we start the actual Vipassana technique. What the heck, this was just the prep!? Ouch… So much pain still, ughhh.”
Day 05:
”Started the morning on the wrong foot. Thinking to myself that I wanted to stop and it’s only freakin’ day 5. Then afternoon I was flying! Emotional rollercoaster, baby. Hard to stay equanimous lemme tell ya.”
Day 06:
”Amazing day. I am Buddha! Best meditations so far and all of them too. We had a wonderful curry for lunch which I devoured. It’s nice not to cook for yourself turns out. I’m staying.”
Day 07:
”I am not Buddha :( Anger and the ego payed me a very unwelcome visit. So did a little spider which decided to crawl up my neck during the meditation where we;re not allowed to move. I moved. Obvs. However, first 100 push-up’s since lockdown 1 bro!”
Day 08:
”I think I am finally truly getting my head around understanding Equanimity and Anicca. Boom! I rock. Oh no wait, not supposed to crave. Damn…”
Day 09:
”Very heavy, deep shift happening throughout today’s meditations of very intense full body tingly sensations. Inside out, outside in, et all. Can’t actually believe I made it this far already! Can see now how monks can do this for long periods of time. You just get used to it and it’s amazing what humans are capable of if they put their minds to it.”
Day 10:
”Talking allowed and felt pretty shy at first. In fact, just wanted to be home now and started day off a little grumpy. Once I got to know everyone had the best time though. What a lovely bunch! So many incredible stories and women, in hindsight wish I had more time to chat with everyone.”
Day 11:
”Missed my boy Vernon, the sea and my little town so so much. Was the happiest and the German expression ‘Vorfreude’ has never applied more accurately. Also weirdly missed the 10 hours of meditation today. Crazy!”
Summarising what is hard to summarise
I’m still processing what I experienced and struggled even more to understand, let alone describe what I took from it. I think it’s save to say that meditation is incredibly powerful when practiced in silence and far away from distractions. They go perfectly hand in hand.
I believe we function well with discipline and can achieve fast, even life-changing results. Pushing oneself to their limits can provide powerful lessons. At least it did for me.
Do I feel changed? The short answer is kinda, but not really. I don’t feel like I am a different person. However, I have learned and come to understand that it is in my power to act or not act upon experiences, emotions and circumstances. If I get angry or anxious for example, I have developed the capability now to observe the sensations it creates in my body (tension, anger, frustration, etc.) rather than uncontrollably letting them surface and possibly harm myself or others around me.
In fact, whether I’m losing my temper or wanting to skip a workout it’s probably even harder now than it was before the Vipassana. The awareness of my reactions is more prevalent and it’s really bloody hard to admit to oneself what is going on. The ego fighting against the changes of its nature, makes it feel very, very uncomfortable. When beforehand I may just have allowed the automatic reactions to unfold, now I am approaching it more objectively. This is the freedom we all long for.
I’m only at the very beginning and I have a long way ahead of me. Though you always have to start somewhere.
Would I do it again?
Yes absolutely and I recommend it to anyone. One constant in life, the only one there is, is impermanence. Vipassana is the first step to learning to understand and accept the ever-changing nature of all things. Something that we all without any exceptions can benefit from.
For any more information please refer directly to Dhamma.org. The course is available in over 90 countries and languages, with two centers in the UK in Hereford and Suffolk. They are registered as a charity and attendance is free. They do accept donations, but only from old students who have experienced the full 10-day experience in the past.
